Tuesday, March 17, 2009

there are times when i sit and wonder, what am I doing here? crazy enough to work in a foreign country, in one of the most american states around. I tell myself it's because of the career opportunities, that valuable one-up to get ahead in this world. To make enough money so I can pay back my parents, retire early, and finally be able to do the things i really want to do.

there are times i lie in bed and think if i made the right decision, since almost nothing but the career bit makes up a valid reason. every day has me with my public face on - even with the few friends i know here. None of it is really me. There's no one person I can actually fully relax with, and just be myself. At home it's me and my computer, a good book, a nice show, some good music. Everyone I truly treasure isn't here. They're all at home, going on with their lives, and at times I get a snapshot. But that's all it really is, a snapshot. Every time I feel I'm losing a bit more of that link to them. And with the 15 day vacation limit, there's little i can do when i get back, and I have to force myself to portion time, rank relationships, cut the interaction. I'm losing all that too quickly, and it sucks.

Sucks too to have someone remind you how you're just too far away for anything. But i can't do anything really, short of actually nixing my job and coming back unemployed and going against everything I promised myself. It almost makes me envious, all those people who have to go back after their university stint ends. Makes me wonder whether everything would have been different if I'd just stayed at home and did that engineering degree. Makes me wonder if everything here would feel less mundane, less difficult, less alone.

stardusted at 12:12 AM | link?

0 stayReal

Saturday, March 07, 2009

abstract personality test

So i found a weird personality test from a friend and thought i'd try it out...

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

It is rather creepy how close this comes to how i perceive myself. Especially the true self bit. And what i'm most afraid of. The job bit is also true..which means i ought to have just decided to be an artist a long time back... lol

stardusted at 12:45 AM | link?

0 stayReal

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