Thursday, March 18, 2004

life does funny things to you. it throws you something totally wonderful, allows you to taste this wonder for a brief period of time, and then it destroys this thing for you right in front of your eyes. and yes. something got destroyed today. the walk home was the longest walk i'd ever taken. life was cruel in the sense that it gave me absolutely wonderful news, and then it destroyed this for me. i dunno. i didn't know whether to laugh or cry when i heard of both news. it was just... i dunno. emotional confusion, you might call it.

but i guess i had this coming. silly silly me, with my high hopes and gilded fantasies. as usual, i thought too much, read far too much into things that shouldn't have been read into. i let myself fall too deep too fast. i never expected this to be so painful, but it is. and it is reality. and i guess we all have to move on. but moving on is...hard. and having it happen the second time makes it doubly so. i allowed myself to go in too deep. and this is the price i guess, this outcome. i wonder when i'll ever learn caution, when i'll learn never to repeat the same mistake again. I did it once, and told myself i'd never do it again. then the situation presented itself, and i repeated it again. when will i learn?

so, this blog will be put on hold until i feel i am ready to move on. which may take ages, or a few days, I don't know. i never should have even let myself go.

stardusted at 11:13 AM | link?

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